Kepingan itu masih berserakan. Menunggu seseorang untuk mengembalikan. Lantas ia bisa meninggalkan. Rasa sesak yang selama ini terus menekan. Tetapi dengan cara miliknya, ia selalu merasa nyaman. Walau selalu kesepian. Tanpa kawan dan topangan, apalagi hiburan. Yang bisa menyembuhkan luka yang telah tertanam

♥ Tolong, kembalikan kepingan itu, sekasar apapun caramu.

09:25p.m March, 28 2011
Dhita

And here....

Gue udah capek menjabarkan gimana sakitnya perasaan ini. Sampai mungkin gue ketawa sendiri karena gue bingung, gue kok tolol banget. Gue nyaman dengan keadaan yang perlahan bikin gue frustasi. Bikin gue mati rasa. Bikin gue selalu bergumam, 'Gak Ada Apa-Apa'. Dan itu semua gue lakuin hampir 3 tahun. Sebenarnya, fix all nya setahun lah gue mulai frustasi. Dan tadi, gue perlahan mulai ngerasa, makin lama gue bisa kena serangan saraf putus tiba-tiba. Gue sendiri kan yang masih pengen gini? Gue sendiri kan yang masih milih terus bertahan? Gue sendiri kan yang gak sanggup ngelupain dia? Gue..gue...
Terserah kalian mau bilang apa, ini emang pilihan gue. Sekalipun nyiksa gue sampai gue mati rasa kayak gini. Sampai gue sok tegar, seolah hati gue ini kayak hati bayi baru lahir. Gue emang gak cukup pintar buat nyembunyiin semuanya. Tapi gue juga gak pandai mengekspresikan semuanya. Gak ada yang perlu gue keluarin. Semua cuma bakalan nambah beban pikiran gue. Ini pilihan gue, gue yang cape, gue yang sakit, gue yang nangis, gue yang tolol.....
Kadang gue juga mikir kok, ngapain sih gue masih ngarepin dia? Nungguin dia? Bukannya dia emng betul-betul gak akan balik? Simple, gue sayang dia. Gue cinta dia. Gue senang hidup dalam kenangan masa lalu. Walau gak jarang lo bakal nemu gue lagi duduk diatas kasur, ngetik urakan kata-kata diatas notebook/komputer, lampu dimatiin, dengan pandangan kosong.
Gue pengen jadi gue, gue pengen nangis. Gue pengen ngeluh. Gue pengen teriak. Tapi rasanya gue gak bisa. Gue gak boleh. Itu bukan gue. Gue bukan tipikal cewek cengeng.
Gue juga pengen terbuka. Ya, tapi gue canggung untuk membuka suatu percakapan.
Dan ini, tweets gue pada hari ini. 2 Maret 2011, di atas sebagian rasa sakit yang malah bikin hati gue mati rasa :
*LO TAU?? RASANYA GUE PENGEN MATAHIN SIMCARD GUE AAAAA WATDE..... ASDFGHJKL
*And now im crying. And again, for you.
*Oh Tuhan, harusnya gue sadar....harusnya....bego)''': *Tau gini gak akan deh sms dia.......ah please dong *SOMEONE!!!! WAKE ME UP!!! HE'S NOT MINE AND NEVER BE ANYMORE!!!
*He havent saved my number yet
*And over tomorrow i'd try to forgettin him.
*God, that should i know, i never be his anymore
*He has his own world. I cant touch that. Whatever i do, i cant. I never could be.
*God, that should i know. Maybe he thinks i have died
*I've to shopping. Maybe thats way to make me feel better
*I just think, what i've done lastnight to him, like a trash. He never know and never be.
*This's more than a pain anymore.
*I HAVE TO KNOW, IM NOT LIVING IN A DREAM. THIS IS REAL!!! AND HE AND I JUST IN A DREAM!!
*I must go on....Moving on....
*Have i bought a pill to make me forget everything?
*I have too much friend who'd support me. Who love me. Oh God....
*I want to breakup my phone. Thats make me confuse. I have standby it.
*Smone, tell him.
*Have you loved smone till u forget to loving your own self?
*Have you ever waited for someone, until the time was forced to stop you?
*Have you expected someone, until you are numb to the other?
*I am a person who would love him from everywhere i was, behind his happiness. Above all regret
*I could to loving, but i couldnt hold the love. So, why love still exist?
*Wanna stand by out my phone. This phone and my personal phone. I need time to rest
*This more than a pain. Moorrrrreeeeee. And i have been numb
*I love you
*He's not everything....yeah. I have said it manytimes until it doesnt mean anything
*'Why you still waiting for him?' 'I love him'
*I never know what i would be without him....Although just on my imagine
*Loving you doesnt need any reason

HBD,wyatb

Love, Dhita